Quote 1

kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight

The year so far

So I'm sitting here after i have pissed of yet another person, and i'm thinking to myself.
Wow these last month have been truely shit, i mean there were good points but there are so many down points, i mean i have/are being judged on every move i make by everyone who knows me. I can't even talk to any about it because some how no matter who i tell everyone else seems to know, its ridiculous, the thing is I am quite trusting and i like talking over my problems with people. But i don't want everyone else to know my issues or problems cause sometimes it may be something to do with them. So if i do tell you something shut the fuck up about it and keep it quiet about, please cause from now on all problems shall be held within my head see if that makes a differents.

but yer basically i've pissed of nearly every person i know at the moment so I'm doing well, gah i hate life at the moment. I don't even want to go into college tomorrow, I don't think anyone will care tbh. they would probably be happier that i've gone.
Fuck me i hope half term brings some relief and maybe a little less hate into my life :/

Songs

I wrote this song a while ago, i think you can guess the meaning

There are two boys
And there is one girl
They love her
She rocks there worlds
But one will win
And the other will lose.
It just depend on who she chose.

I've walked this road a thousand times.
The voice in my head speaks in rhymes
And I don't no which way I'll go
Cause my heart scream yes
But my mind says no

Chorus
And I'm sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i caused you pain
Sorry that you upset
I know things won't be the same.

And I talk to you, you say that you are fine
That i should have her, make her mine.
But i can see the hurt in your eyes
And i can see its just a disguise

Chorus

There is one boy
and there is one girl
they love each other
They are there worlds
but a boy is all upset
and it is crying shame
cause i'm the culpurt
I'm to blame


yer i think you no what that one is about.

Gossip

Nice guys

This is a warning to all 'Nice Guys'
We don't win, We are the friend, we are the ones who everyone comes to for advice but when it comes to you no one cares.

I'm sick and tired of jerks and dicks having all the fun. These people don't care about other people yet they seem to have more fun. I hear all these stories of people getting laid or having a fucking awesome night. And why because they were being dicks. They got the girl by stealing her of the Nice guys arm.

The worst thing is though is you see all these fucking movies saying the nice guys win in the end. But so far the end isn't in sight. I would to be the jerk for once i want the start and the finish to be in clear sight. Not like a fucking treasure hut. It's a joke.

The thing is i may not be the nicest nice guy but i personal feel i'm one of them. Which sucks even more cause that mean i can't change. I just am the nice guy. I get walked over insulted consently or hit contiously and i be like 'I'm sorry' then i think WHY THE FUCK AM I SORRY. Maybe i sorry for you, maybe i just sorry for being in the fucking way or being in the same fucking room with you. I don't no

But head my warning Nice Guys don't win. We may win in the End, but i think i should warn you, the end is a fucking long way of. so if you want to get a girl or get laid or just have a fucking crazy night. Go for it. Be a jerk or a dick. If your nice to the girl you want to get your friends. If you want to get laid you can't. If you want to have a fucking crazy night you'll have to be the sober one picking people up.

Life fucking Sucks Get used to It
Don't wait for shit take it.
I'm not going to take my own adive.
I can't, i hate feeling like i hurt some one or let them down.
But seriously for once.
Let the Nice guy finish fucking first

I Could Kill

You know in the army advert for where it says that it is a state of mind.

I feel that i have that state of mind (YAY ME) but i think somewhere i've gone past the stage of healthy. when i'm angry i think that i could cause alot of damage. I feel that if i attack someone i would just keep going. I feel that i wouldn't be able to stop unless someone pulled me off.

The thing is that what i think is that if i kill which i feel i can. I'm not sure how i would react. I'm not sure if the anger that is in me would die away. Or if it would feed on the death and want more. I may just be talking shit. But this is what i am scared of. I am going in the army. I Know i am. I just don't no how dangerous it would be. To everyone.

Help please.
this angry shouldn't be here.
I need to get it out.
I don't no how
help please

Sick and Tired

I am sick and tired of people expecting me to go and call on them.
Why is it all ways me?
Is it cause everyone thinks that i need to see people or friends, well your wrong it's cause i want to see, There is a difference. So if i was you i would feel privaleged to be called on. It means i want to see you and be with you. Like friends should do.

But as i was sitting in a park on the bench watching the birds like a sometimes do. I struck me that no one every returns the favor. No every comes not on me or any people for that matter unless i'm out first.

No i first thought that it was sad that you guys need me to press your doorbell and escort you out the house. I'm not your owner, i shouldn't have to hold you by the hand and drag you out the door to go for a walk. I think it is sad

Then i realized that maybe you just take me for advantage. The fact that your all like, o reilable phil will come and call on me and then i won't be bored. Well guess what FUCK YOU.

I am not doing it anymore. I will no longer go round and call on you, and take you for a walk like a stupid dog. If you want to go for a walk. Then Go!!! Learn house to step outside the house with an arm for you to hold.

But this doesn't mean i won't come out, if you want to see me just come and call on me. Return the favor. After that i don't mind if you want to go call on people. I will call on them willingly. After a while i will start to call on you again. but i won't all the time. I would hope that you will sometimes call on me


For those of you who think that i won't be able to do that. I need to see people. Fuck you again
I can mange by myself. I will be going on walks, bike rides. by myself. I will enjoy my own company. it will be fine


and if you can't be asked to call on me. Well thank you, you are great people (sarcastic)
Actaully the really thing that i'm going to say is okay i hope you enjoy your very lonely life and while your social skills decrease. I will still be waiting for a simple ring on my doorbell.

Please don't take me calling on you for granted.
Hope to see you by My door soon
your sick and tired friend
phil