Gossip

Nice guys

This is a warning to all 'Nice Guys'
We don't win, We are the friend, we are the ones who everyone comes to for advice but when it comes to you no one cares.

I'm sick and tired of jerks and dicks having all the fun. These people don't care about other people yet they seem to have more fun. I hear all these stories of people getting laid or having a fucking awesome night. And why because they were being dicks. They got the girl by stealing her of the Nice guys arm.

The worst thing is though is you see all these fucking movies saying the nice guys win in the end. But so far the end isn't in sight. I would to be the jerk for once i want the start and the finish to be in clear sight. Not like a fucking treasure hut. It's a joke.

The thing is i may not be the nicest nice guy but i personal feel i'm one of them. Which sucks even more cause that mean i can't change. I just am the nice guy. I get walked over insulted consently or hit contiously and i be like 'I'm sorry' then i think WHY THE FUCK AM I SORRY. Maybe i sorry for you, maybe i just sorry for being in the fucking way or being in the same fucking room with you. I don't no

But head my warning Nice Guys don't win. We may win in the End, but i think i should warn you, the end is a fucking long way of. so if you want to get a girl or get laid or just have a fucking crazy night. Go for it. Be a jerk or a dick. If your nice to the girl you want to get your friends. If you want to get laid you can't. If you want to have a fucking crazy night you'll have to be the sober one picking people up.

Life fucking Sucks Get used to It
Don't wait for shit take it.
I'm not going to take my own adive.
I can't, i hate feeling like i hurt some one or let them down.
But seriously for once.
Let the Nice guy finish fucking first

I Could Kill

You know in the army advert for where it says that it is a state of mind.

I feel that i have that state of mind (YAY ME) but i think somewhere i've gone past the stage of healthy. when i'm angry i think that i could cause alot of damage. I feel that if i attack someone i would just keep going. I feel that i wouldn't be able to stop unless someone pulled me off.

The thing is that what i think is that if i kill which i feel i can. I'm not sure how i would react. I'm not sure if the anger that is in me would die away. Or if it would feed on the death and want more. I may just be talking shit. But this is what i am scared of. I am going in the army. I Know i am. I just don't no how dangerous it would be. To everyone.

Help please.
this angry shouldn't be here.
I need to get it out.
I don't no how
help please

Sick and Tired

I am sick and tired of people expecting me to go and call on them.
Why is it all ways me?
Is it cause everyone thinks that i need to see people or friends, well your wrong it's cause i want to see, There is a difference. So if i was you i would feel privaleged to be called on. It means i want to see you and be with you. Like friends should do.

But as i was sitting in a park on the bench watching the birds like a sometimes do. I struck me that no one every returns the favor. No every comes not on me or any people for that matter unless i'm out first.

No i first thought that it was sad that you guys need me to press your doorbell and escort you out the house. I'm not your owner, i shouldn't have to hold you by the hand and drag you out the door to go for a walk. I think it is sad

Then i realized that maybe you just take me for advantage. The fact that your all like, o reilable phil will come and call on me and then i won't be bored. Well guess what FUCK YOU.

I am not doing it anymore. I will no longer go round and call on you, and take you for a walk like a stupid dog. If you want to go for a walk. Then Go!!! Learn house to step outside the house with an arm for you to hold.

But this doesn't mean i won't come out, if you want to see me just come and call on me. Return the favor. After that i don't mind if you want to go call on people. I will call on them willingly. After a while i will start to call on you again. but i won't all the time. I would hope that you will sometimes call on me


For those of you who think that i won't be able to do that. I need to see people. Fuck you again
I can mange by myself. I will be going on walks, bike rides. by myself. I will enjoy my own company. it will be fine


and if you can't be asked to call on me. Well thank you, you are great people (sarcastic)
Actaully the really thing that i'm going to say is okay i hope you enjoy your very lonely life and while your social skills decrease. I will still be waiting for a simple ring on my doorbell.

Please don't take me calling on you for granted.
Hope to see you by My door soon
your sick and tired friend
phil

Music

Music is awesome, there is some many types of music all with a unique style and emotion they bring you. Music is amazing for so many reason and i give full credit to anyone who plays a decent level of music. Cause you have the power to control peoples emotions , just depending on the way you play can change the mood of any person be it happy or sad. I mean to be able to do that, it is just amazing.

Many people say that music saves your soul and i can see why if i didn't have music i would be lost i would be talking to myself just cause i like noise around me. And i would be trying to tlk myself into a certain emotion.

I don't why i like music so much, i will listen to everything even classical when played at the right moment can create an emotion. So to all musicians you are my heros. And if you sing your just a legend.

Let music fill your life, just sit and lie on your bed, just relaxing to music. Let it take you on a journey. Let it show how the musician was feeling. Let it become part of you as you can feel so much more free and at peace because of it

Music lives in my soul, music sooths my soul, music is a part of me.

Blowing up

Basically over the last few weeks i have been falling apart, slow but surely and day by day. I have been losing a piece of me. Now most of you at the moment must be thinking WTF!!! He seemed fine when i was with him. But i was just pretending. What i have found over the last week is that all the anger and bitterness that i have kept back because of my laid back nature has caught up with me. It got to a point where i would wake up angry (for no reason) and go to sleep angry. I felt like i was going crazy i didn't no what was happening. A few days ago it started to get worse like a virus slowly spreading across my body, and envloping all other emotions. I started to snap at the smallest things. I couldn't help it, my anger just seeped out in little ways, it needed to.

But 2 days ago i was a the ford, everything was fine. My anger had died down to a tam level. It was on the walk back where it happened. I was walking with danni, and i went to hug her,even though i no that she doesn't like to be touch when she is tired) so she didn't hug me back. This made my angry rise. So i walked off ahead of everyone, to prevent anymore anger escaping. I was walking down the bridge over the motorway, when i saw jake get of his back and go and hug danni. It looked like danni was going to hug him back. This is what made me snap. Not just snap i went into a fit of rage. Ever bit of anger was beening reliease on everyhting and anything. I punched the metal rails, i then punch the concrete wall. I just kept hit. I could feel it hurt me, th anger in me needed to get out. I even hit myself at one point. Anyway i carried on walking anger pulsing through me. I found a spot in the woods and calmed myself down. The anger had seem to subside. After a while danni came up to see me.(Brave girl) She sat down and hugged me. I could feel all my anger seep away. She asked me what was wrong. And i final after 3-4 weeks of angry boiling inside of me. I manged to explain how i felt. (a big feat for me as i find it very hard to show emotions - SUz knows). After i had finished talking. I felt at peace. I felt happy, I felt feelings that i haven't expreinced in weeks. And i have found the more i talk about it the better i feel.

So i am now going back and pulling myself together. I'm going back to the way i was. Apart from some anger that i have will be reliased at the time. So watch out. I found out i can hit hard. lol

I now what you all thinking now. Its he needs help. ANd yer propable do, but o well. I admit that i felt crazy at the time. But i think i;m going to get better. So yer.

OLD PHIL IS BACK AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Warning

Okay here is a warning; Basically with school out the way i've had alot of free time. So i decided to look up fine in the dictionary. Turns out when i say i'm fine. I'm not. SO don't believe, i'm probably lieing

Another thing is that if a person is insulting you or verbally abusing you, tell them. Who ever came up with sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Was talking crap, With words you can feel the hatered and venom drip of there tongue. The words that they say whizzing round your head time and time again. Doubting yourself " Am i really like that". The words people say can hurt worse than actions. A punch to me is probably better than the slow poison of words after all ; With violence i have a chance of hitting back
With words no matter what i say or do there is doubt in my heads, that make me believe i am what they call me

There is such thing as a bullet proof vest. It's used to stop physical violence
There ISN'T such thing as a word proof vest. Cause no matter what those words will slip through your armour. No matter how deep.

From now on i will say my feelings no matter how harsh, destructive or obsence.

This is your warning world

FML

I think i personal had a pretty good fuck my life moment a few days ago

I haven't cried or shed a tear for anything for ages, until i found myself crying cause troy and gabrealli broke up in high school musical 2. FML !!!!

Lonely and laid back

Okay so it's been a little while, but it during the exam period and i thought people would get bored revsing so they would read blogs so here is my new one.

Basically over the last couple of days i have discovered some new things about me that i didn't really understand before. Okay, the basic jist of it is that i've figured out why i get sad when i am sometimes around people. Most people no me as the smiley guy, well the reason i stop smiling is because i feel lonely, or left out. If i feel lonely i start to ge sad because i feel like you don't want me. which isn't very good. SO basically over the last few days i've been feeling quite depressed vause no ones around. And the part that annoys me the most is how i just always expect people to be there. So if you keep getting texts asking if your free it cause i'm lonely and i just want to feel happy and myself again.

Another thing that annoys me is that people don't expect me to do revision. I mean it Phil he never does work. That really annoys me, I'm a laid back person but when i need to revise i will. It just i'm not one of these people who can sit there for 12 hours a day with a book revising. After 4-6 hours i get bored, my brain switch of and it pointless me trying to revise. Thats when i text you saying you free. If you text me back saying why aren't you revising i promise you i will kick your ass.

The last thing is that I may look like i'm lazy and always free, i'm not but i make times for my friends cause they are so important to me. I'm not lazy I'm laid back. Yes there is a differents laid back is where you put in the effort that i required when required and you don't seem to get as worried as others or as nervous. Lazy is just can't be asked.

Little Song

Just a little song

Just want to come clean
Say what i mean
Follow through like i never do ... I never do
And all these things are killing me
But with my false identity
I am taking lives with plastic knifes
that are to sharp for someone health

There sharp as hell x2


Just need a clean break
Have a rest and retake
Of all the stuff i never ment ... I never ment
But they'll haunt u while we wait for the clean break


I'm confusd
but control it
it's nothing new
but never gets old
I'm calling quits on all the things i swore i would never miss


I miss it

:):)

Dreams

Well basicly i have really weird dreams. And i had another last night.

It started of with me bringing in a xbox into school to play on. No one was talking so i ask corin for a game on fifa 09.WOO! anyway we stopped and i found my pair of white glasses litterly in my desk. I took them out and wore the. Jess laugh and said i looked like a Microbe. I then started trying to do the robot. I then went over to gemma who was tell me that her boobs where growing. I said if you want to get big boobs get fat. She said she watch the sex ed show to and wanted to stay the same. I then went to my lockers in the back of the room and Nicole and Charlie N where there . This is when Mr warman and the year 10 came in. Nicole bent down and while she got up her skirt came yup to flashing to the year 10. On the way out i said Mr Warman could uses my xbox if he got bored. We went up to the art area and where walking around. There where a 4 different fetishes in each room. German dominatrixs, Pretty girls, Pretty ginger girls, and druggies. We walked passed them all and where talking about them when the German dominatrixs ran out in front of us and yelled. she then run back with Charlie N. Me and Nicole went on and walked passed the other few, when we walked past the pretty ginger girls Nicole this is the worst and then walked in when i looked at her she had a massive ginger bush following behind her. Weird! anyway i carried on walking and found Tom Bland in a room full of beds with other people from your school. It had just started raining. i asked what the here doing and where i was meant to be. ' they told me Media and that they where doing this for there french. I then got cramp in my foot and had to hop down the stairs. I hopped into the rain and passed the office where i saw Miss Dukes who looked at me. ' I said i got cramp' she smiled and walked of. Then she turned around and had a demoned face. snarling and fugly. I carried on walking past the group of students who angain where all demons. It was raining really heavily and i was by the music building. When i saw a boy hunched over playing with paper. I carried on going till iw as at english. I saw mister dougles in his coat flicking little bits of yellow paper at Mat. ' He got annoyed so ran of, now i'm flicking paper at him. If you hit him you win.'
I asked to get my xbox with james and Dougie said yer. We started walking( i had stopped hoping) When it start playing music that DUH DUH DUH DUH and then light struck, we ran and i was making all the sound effects for lighting. whe then got to the door which suddenly got struck by lighting and we got fried. Then we fell into some water.

Thats the end of my dream. Lol
doesn't make much sense there was more but it not the inmportant. I also woke up dancing and thinking that when you get hit by lighting you should turn into a pile of ash.

Cooie all

Hey guys,
i thought i would get a blog cause everyone else has one
and roy told me to :)
well hope you have fun reading