Blowing up

Basically over the last few weeks i have been falling apart, slow but surely and day by day. I have been losing a piece of me. Now most of you at the moment must be thinking WTF!!! He seemed fine when i was with him. But i was just pretending. What i have found over the last week is that all the anger and bitterness that i have kept back because of my laid back nature has caught up with me. It got to a point where i would wake up angry (for no reason) and go to sleep angry. I felt like i was going crazy i didn't no what was happening. A few days ago it started to get worse like a virus slowly spreading across my body, and envloping all other emotions. I started to snap at the smallest things. I couldn't help it, my anger just seeped out in little ways, it needed to.

But 2 days ago i was a the ford, everything was fine. My anger had died down to a tam level. It was on the walk back where it happened. I was walking with danni, and i went to hug her,even though i no that she doesn't like to be touch when she is tired) so she didn't hug me back. This made my angry rise. So i walked off ahead of everyone, to prevent anymore anger escaping. I was walking down the bridge over the motorway, when i saw jake get of his back and go and hug danni. It looked like danni was going to hug him back. This is what made me snap. Not just snap i went into a fit of rage. Ever bit of anger was beening reliease on everyhting and anything. I punched the metal rails, i then punch the concrete wall. I just kept hit. I could feel it hurt me, th anger in me needed to get out. I even hit myself at one point. Anyway i carried on walking anger pulsing through me. I found a spot in the woods and calmed myself down. The anger had seem to subside. After a while danni came up to see me.(Brave girl) She sat down and hugged me. I could feel all my anger seep away. She asked me what was wrong. And i final after 3-4 weeks of angry boiling inside of me. I manged to explain how i felt. (a big feat for me as i find it very hard to show emotions - SUz knows). After i had finished talking. I felt at peace. I felt happy, I felt feelings that i haven't expreinced in weeks. And i have found the more i talk about it the better i feel.

So i am now going back and pulling myself together. I'm going back to the way i was. Apart from some anger that i have will be reliased at the time. So watch out. I found out i can hit hard. lol

I now what you all thinking now. Its he needs help. ANd yer propable do, but o well. I admit that i felt crazy at the time. But i think i;m going to get better. So yer.

OLD PHIL IS BACK AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!