Right well i don't no really where to start

I guess its that over the last few days i've been looking at my life after my mum nicely came in and basically said stop wasting your life on your friends as they won't be there for you as you are for them.

And i guess thats basically what i've been thinking about, who would catch me who wouldn't, who do i want to catch me and who do i not. stuff like that. I love my friends but from what i feel its not being returned in the amount that i'd like. Plus I never knew how sinicle and bitchy evryone is, I kinda been half quiet recently and this step back has shown loads. I guess i've just been oblivous to this. I'm not going to say that i don't bitch but yer. Just didn't no we did it that much.

We this we'll probably come back to haunt me so i'm going to leave it there.

Dependance

Everyone has something that there dependent on. I think mines socail life or friends in general. I can't seem to go more than a day with seeing if people want to meet up or just go out of the house in general. Most people can spend days without seeing people, but I just can't don't no why. I think stuff is always more fun together even if it is the stuff I would do alone. Its werid

Anyway this what I think... So yer if you keep getting a Blitz of texts say if your free. Its cause I want to relax an thats the easest way to do it for me. TV is just a means of passing time. It does nothing for me. Xbox frustrates me. so yer ....

Paranoia

Wow haven't been on here in a while. I normal just read everyone else posts but for once i have something to say.

Today, I am beginning to believe I have paranoia, I always thought this secertly in the back of my mind. Like a little itch that I just choose to ignore. Its not like I'm in constant fear although walking at night I do turn my head a few to many times, but I'm going to ignore that one.

I think i've got the anxiety kinda paranioa, I seem to say to myself that everything in my life is a lie that you cna never trust anyone because you can never tell if they really like you. I feel like in every friendship, i make up situations where my so called friends are going out behind my back, not inviting me, secertly bitching about me behind my back. In every relationship I feel i can't comment myself to them because I don't trust them, I don't believe they love or ever will love. They are just to nice or good to say no or leave me. I mean if my grilfriend doesn't text back after we have been texting for a while, i begin to belive that she hates me or i cheating on me. I mean jesus christ she may of just forgot to text back like i do or something as stupid as that. But I have to pick the worst situation and believe it.

I don't like this, i want to be the one who falls head over heels in love or can trust anyone but i'm not, i fall in love in little bits. I know i love people but then it stops and starts again.

I'm not sure if this is normal.?
Any Ideas?

Valentines day

Well valentines day was as bad as i thought it would be, though i'm sure when i here stories of what people did i'm sure i will feel sad and lonely. Ah well Lets keep the head up high boys and girls, tomorrow is another day.

Quote 1

kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight

The year so far

So I'm sitting here after i have pissed of yet another person, and i'm thinking to myself.
Wow these last month have been truely shit, i mean there were good points but there are so many down points, i mean i have/are being judged on every move i make by everyone who knows me. I can't even talk to any about it because some how no matter who i tell everyone else seems to know, its ridiculous, the thing is I am quite trusting and i like talking over my problems with people. But i don't want everyone else to know my issues or problems cause sometimes it may be something to do with them. So if i do tell you something shut the fuck up about it and keep it quiet about, please cause from now on all problems shall be held within my head see if that makes a differents.

but yer basically i've pissed of nearly every person i know at the moment so I'm doing well, gah i hate life at the moment. I don't even want to go into college tomorrow, I don't think anyone will care tbh. they would probably be happier that i've gone.
Fuck me i hope half term brings some relief and maybe a little less hate into my life :/

Songs

I wrote this song a while ago, i think you can guess the meaning

There are two boys
And there is one girl
They love her
She rocks there worlds
But one will win
And the other will lose.
It just depend on who she chose.

I've walked this road a thousand times.
The voice in my head speaks in rhymes
And I don't no which way I'll go
Cause my heart scream yes
But my mind says no

Chorus
And I'm sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i caused you pain
Sorry that you upset
I know things won't be the same.

And I talk to you, you say that you are fine
That i should have her, make her mine.
But i can see the hurt in your eyes
And i can see its just a disguise

Chorus

There is one boy
and there is one girl
they love each other
They are there worlds
but a boy is all upset
and it is crying shame
cause i'm the culpurt
I'm to blame


yer i think you no what that one is about.